The Courage To Be You!

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you into something else is the greatest accomplishment.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who are you right now?

Are you who you want to be, or who circumstances have made you?

Just ask yourself a few questions and find out:

Do I really love my job, or am I doing it for the money/because I couldn't find anything else?

Do I really want to marry this man/woman, or am I doing so because "time is running out?"

Am I dating the boss because he threatened to fire me if I didn't?

Am I telling lies because "everyone else does?"

Am I giving in to peer pressure/trying to "keep up with the Joneses"?

Am I in debt through trying to impress others?

Is there anything I am doing right now that I would rather not, but I do it because I feel that I have to?

In answering these questions, you might realize that you are one person on the inside (the one you really want to be), but another person on the outside (the one you dislike, but think you have to be).

In other words, you are not you!

And you definitely don't feel good about it.

Some people try to make the most of this conflicting state of affairs, even putting up the appearance of enjoying what they do.

Others have denied their true selves for so long that they think they have become something else.

But the truth is, you can never be truly happy until you become "the real you", until you live true to your real self.

This is the reason that so many people seem to have everything, appear successful, but are inwardly unhappy.

These are the ones who are doctors/lawyers/bankers but would really rather be artists/housewives/enterpreneurs.

Are you unhappy with who you have become?

Take heart, there is hope!


Identifying the real you

What are the things that truly matter to you?

What do you consider the ingredients to a happy life?

If you could change your life, what would you change? What would you add/remove?

What character traits would you like to acquire/get rid of?


Take a pen and sheet of paper and write down the answers to these questions.

Your answers are a summary of your values.

These could include marital happiness, success, family, friendship, health, wealth, integrity etc.

Make a list of your values.

Next, re-write this list in order of priority i.e. your most important values at the top of the list, and the least important to you at the bottom.

Now, circle values 1-3.
These are your most important, or core values.

Your core values are what your life is about. They define who you truly are.
Any situation in your life that conflicts with your core values, or even any others, will make you unhappy.

For instance, some one who values family will be unhappy in a job that requires long hours and frequent travel.
A person for whom freedom and autonomy is important cannot be happy working for some one else.

Knowing your core values will enable you identify what you really want out of life.
And when you know this, you can pursue it.
In pursuing what really matters to you, and ignoring what doesn't, you become who you really want to be.
That is, you become the real you.


Being the real you

I know what it's like.

I used to be overweight, working at a job when I would much rather work for myself, leaving home at dawn and returning just before dusk, waking up to an alarm when I would rather wake up when I wanted, pursuing my employers' dreams when I would rather pursue my own, going to work instead of working my dreams..... the list could go on.

I need to state here that my core-values are God, family and excellence. I also value freedom/autonomy, and my health very highly.
My "previous existence" therefore conflicted totally with my true self.

Being overweight is far from excellent. And working long hours left no room for exercise, or even shopping for healthy food.

Working for others meant I had limited family time, and certainly not much freedom.
Also I am a practicing Christian and church worker. My job meant resigning from church work, reduced church attendance, and little or no personl prayer and Bible study.

How could I possibly have been happy?
I practically hated the way I lived.

A time came when I decided I couldn't take any more.
I was getting older, time was passing, and I hadn't accomplished any of my dreams.
I desperately hated being fat, fatigued and generally unhealthy.

While I would not recommend that you do the same, I resigned from my job and stayed home for a while trying to decide where I wanted my life to go.
I knew God had something for me to do, but this wasn't clear at the time.

To make it short, I took up exercising and eating healthily.
I lost the excess weight, got in shape and now feel great (excellence/health)!

I now work from home, my own hours, hence I'm up, writing at 1.21 am!( freedom/autonomy/family time)
I have always wanted to be a writer and motivational speaker, and that's what I do now.
I write articles for magazines, my website (www.goldenintimacy.com ,still under construction, should debut second week of February), and I have a motivational book in publication, with several manuscripts in hand).
I run motivational workshops and do motivational speaking (following my dreams).
And I usually take a break when my children are on holiday from school (family).

As for my Christian walk, I've returned to church work and I'm very exited about it (I'm a Children'sChurch teacher). I have a lovely prayer life, now having regular family devotions with my kids in the morning (we used to make do with a quick prayer as we dashed out of the house!).
I attend church regularly, with my family, and I often find time for "Bible breaks" during the day (my relationship with God).

It has never been easy following my dreams; I never expected that it would.
I have had to go without an income, as I launched my new career.
I have had friends and family harrowing about my "unorthodox" lifestyle (people who love freedom are usually quite unorthodox!)
Working out and healthy eating (not starving or dieting!) are not easy, but I love the results!
I don't have a salary "come looking for me" at the end of the month; I have to go looking for it!
And working at home means that everyone thinks you are available for a chat/visit/to mind their children/cook/do laundry etc!
It has taken a lot of courage, to give up the "known" for the " unknown".
But by and large, this is the life for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.
At last, I am really, unapologetically "Me!"
And it sure feels good!

The courage to be "You"

Most likely, your values are different from mine.
You might love being "cuddly and large", love working at your job, be single, or with grown up children. And you might not be particularly religious.
But you do have values of your own.
And I am happy for you if your life is centred around them.

However, to those of you who are living at a tangent to your values and dreams I say, would you like to become "the real you"?
Would you like to be truly happy with your life, knowing that it is the life you want, not what circumstances have made it?
Our lives will never be perfect on this side of eternity, but they can be fulfilling.
You can pursue your dreams, and reach them.
You can have the life you want.
As Walt Disney said, "All our dreams come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."

Courage is the ability to do something dangerous, risky, or to face pain or opposition, without showing fear.
Many times, following your dreams will be dangerous or risky.
You will face much pain when nothing seems to work, and no one believes in you.
And you will definitely have opposition.
Fear will breathe down your neck and stare you in the eye.
But if you know that fear is a toothless bulldog, making threats that it needs your permission to fulfill, you will learn to stare fear in the eyes, breathe down its neck, and chase it away.

The real fear is of what will happen if you don't take courage and take action.
Where will you be ten years from now?
What will you say at the end of your days - "Atlast", when you reach the end of your dreamlist, or "Alas", because you never even got started?

Take courage, and take stock of your life.
One step at a time.
I've been working four years to get where I am today.
It won't happen over night.
But it will happen, if you'll let it.
And the first step is to become the real you.

As Shakespeare's Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true."
Take courage, and be "You."

Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja