Two Kinds of Love

Love is something we all need, and want. For love, some have lived, and many others have died.

Though the scriptures say it is more blessed to give than to receive, many of us are more concerned with receiving love than giving it.

Did you know that love could be proactive or reactive?

Let me explain:

Being proactive is to make things happen, rather than waiting for them to happen, to decide what you want and go after it, to decide what you don’t want and prevent it.

Proactive people take charge of their lives, assuming responsibility for their successes and failures. They are usually positive people.

On the other hand, being reactive is to wait for what we want to happen, complaining and responding negatively if it doesn’t. In fact, most reactive people never know what they really want in life. They seem to complain out of habit.

They blame everyone but themselves for whatever happens or doesn’t happen. And they are usually quite negative.

With these definitions in mind, it is easier to see how we could be reactive or proactive in love.

Proactive lovers decide to give unconditional love. They look for reasons to love, rather than reasons not to.

A proactive lover gives without expecting returns, forgives suffered wrongs, and keeps no record of hurts.

A reactive lover has quite a different agenda! His love has conditions. She keeps a journal of suffered wrongs. Their constant refrain is, “I did this because you did that.”

They don’t love you if you don’t call, or you’re late for a date. They complain about what you do, or don’t do for them - how you don’t make them happy anymore, you forgot a birthday or said something you shouldn’t have.

Proactive love gives. Reactive love takes.

One builds up, the other wears down.

One is a blessing, the other is a strain.

One is selfless, the other selfish.

In a proactive-love situation, you commit to keeping the fires of love burning, not expecting them to burn of their own accord.

You know it will not be easy. But because you care, you are ready to go the extra mile and do whatever it takes.

You believe in your partner, and you believe in love.

You know that love is not that tingling feeling, which comes and goes without notice. It is a commitment, through thick and thin, independent of your feelings.

Rather than wait to receive love, you give it first. And in selfless sowing you reap a harvest bigger than your seed.

God is Love. He is a proactive lover. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son…” His love is described in scripture as steadfast, everlasting, and tender.

We ought to love by God’s example. He loved us before we could appreciate it. He loves us, even though we sometimes throw it back in His face!

So here’s the moral in this article:

All things being equal, you are more likely to create the loving relationship you desire, by being a proactive lover. Even if your love is not returned, you would have sown seeds that will surely come back to you. Perhaps in the next relationship. And in all the ones you have at present, with neighbours, friends, family etc.

However, if reactive loving is your style, your negative seeds will sprout in every relationship you have, possibly causing a vicious cycle of failed relationships.

Remember the Law of Attraction, which is also stated as the Law of Sowing and Reaping. You get what you attract, you reap what you sow.

Regarding relationships, we could restate this law thus: Your relationship is the harvest of the seeds YOU have sown. Therefore, to change your relationship, you must start by changing YOU, not your partner!

If you want it better, become a better person. Be more considerate. Be more tolerant. Listen more. Criticize less. Give only what you would like to receive.

Your relationship is your responsibility. From its beginning you must be conscious of this fact. Whatever becomes of it is entirely between the parties involved.

Action Steps:

1. Decide what kind of relationship you want. What are your expectations for this relationship? I believe in discussing this with your partner so that hopes are not eventually dashed, and expectations are clear.

2. Make a list of the proactive things you could do to bring about the relationship you desire. Commit to doing these, even when the going gets tough. Remember, love is a commitment. It requires conscious effort.

3. Concern yourself with being a blessing. Give first what you would like to receive. Remember, you reap what you sow.

Brian Tracy says, “It is not the world outside you that dictates your circumstances or conditions. It is the world inside you that creates the conditions of your life”.

Remember, success is by design, and failure by default, even in love!

So, permit me to ask you: How do you love? Proactively or reactively?

What results are you achieving? Desirable or undesirable?

You can have the relationship you desire, but the onus is yours to make it happen.

Proactively.

Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja