Dear visitor,
Welcome to this blog. I am sorry that it has not been updated for a very long time. Due to technical updates I have been unable to access it until now. I will no longer be posting to this blog; it is now defunct. However I have a current one, which can be found at http://turnaroundresources.blogspot.com
It's theme is personal development and life coaching.
I hope to meet you there soon.
Warm regards,
Oma Edoja
Transition Coach
http://turnaroundresources.blogspot.com
For free coaching click here: http://www.FreeGoalsReport.com/cmd.asp?a=182101&id=43
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 06, 2005
Your Net Worth Depends on Your Network by Oma Edoja
Part One
It doesn’t seem fair that some people have more contacts than others. While the rest of us slowly sweat our way up the corporate/social/business ladder, The Connected Ones reach out effortlessly within their networks and get a leg-up from their friends. This reminds me of the old song that says, “I get by with a little help from my friends.”
Not fair, is it? But then, many things in life just aren’t. Did mama ever tell you there’d be things like this?
I’ve been reading a lot on self-help lately, and I’ve fallen in love with the word “proactive.” It means to take action and bring about what you want. It’s the opposite of “reactive,” which means: to wait around for what you want, and respond negatively when it doesn’t happen.
Being proactive involves accepting responsibility for what you have, or do not have (e.g. a network of influential friends), and taking the necessary steps to change the situation in your favour. A reactive person on the other hand would bemoan his lack of contacts, and probably be spiteful to those who have them. He would blame his parents for not passing on a high-powered circle of friends, the government for the poor economy that has kept himself and his “network” outside the action, and his enemies for jinxing him!
Well, I have learnt from the self-help gurus that this problem can be solved more effectivel, through the process of proactive networking. Networking is a system of meeting people, forming groups,
exchanging information and ideas within these groups, all with the view to enhancing your career/business/social life. It involves giving and receiving business, sharing ideas, contacts and referrals, and providing the environment for developing personal relationships with others who share your interests.
Rather than gripe about your lack of an influential network, or the “doomed state” of the nation, why not get proactive and build one for yourself? Yes, I am talking to you. And yes, you can do it, regardless of your station in life. Nigeria is a wonderful place for networking, given our native tendency to do so (family meetings, owambe parties, anniversaries of everything under the sun). And being proactive is the way to change your fortune yourself. No one will do it for you. But you can do it yourself.
What does networking involve?
The process of networking is proactive; it’s something that you make happen. You go out and meet people, you follow-up, you are of value to others, and then you benefit.
You must understand that networking is all give and take. You’ve got to keep the Golden Rule and give, give, give, even without thought of reward. Selfless networkers make the best networkers.
To network successfully, you’ve got to become the kind of person that people would want to meet. And that’s not difficult; you can do this by being well groomed, well mannered, having integrity and showing loyalty, and by genuinely desiring to help the people you meet. To attract a friend you’ve got to be a friend. So be friendly! And people hate pretences; they can tell when you’re faking it. Be natural. Grow into what you presently are not, instead of pretending that you are.
Basically, here are the guidelines for selfless, effective networking:
1. Provide genuine assistance
2. Be open-minded
3. Remember personal details – names, places of work, positions held, birthdays, marital status etc
4. Respect cultural differences. Nowadays, networking extends across the globe thanks to the internet and mobile telephony, so you’ll encounter diverse peoples and cultures. Be mindful of this, and accommodating.
5. Research people and companies; know their goals and interests, so you can help them better
6. Reciprocate good deeds. Better still, initiate them!
Note that if you are perceived as out-to-get, your network could well shrink rather than grow! Networking is all about building relationships and mutual interactions, benefiting all involved. You’ll be sharing information, helping others grow their businesses, move up in their careers or enhancing their social lives.
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
Part Two
How to Network
(1) Give out business cards wherever you go, targeting those you would want in your network of contacts or customers. Be friendly and polite. Volunteer some personal information as necessary; your prospect needs to know something about you and your business/interests. Ask for the recipient’s card, writing the circumstances of your meeting, and other anecdotal information, on the back of the card. It’s easy to forget if you don’t write it down, especially since you’ll be collecting a lot of cards.
Engage in short chit-chat, to know more about, and remember the recipients of your cards. Merely pocketing them is a sure way to forget, undermining your networking efforts. Keep your cards crisp and neat, in a business card holder. Don’t drag them from the bottom of your hand bag or briefcase, lipstick soiled or dog-eared! Hold them like the precious pieces they are, and they will be treated as such by their recipients. And definitely do ensure that the hands presenting them are well manicured!
(2) Learn the art of good conversation. Listen more than you talk, and listen with genuine interest. Make others at ease around you – smile at them, look them in the eye, shake hands firmly, initiate conversation, encourage them to talk, and respond enthusiastically when they do. Repeat their name as they tell it to you, to help you remember it later.
Follow up your contacts as soon as possible. Contacts are hot and viable when you make them, but soon cool off and die out. So act fast. If you go to the trouble to network, you should follow up your contacts. Call/meet/ email/chat if you said you would. Your contacts are valuable; treat them as such. When you do link up, be sure to offer as much value as you can. And keep out the gossip, show zero tolerance for it. You will be respected and known as the one who can keep a confidence.
(4) Have an eye and ear for opportunities. Like the Boy Scouts, be prepared! Attend functions with your business cards and other networking materials on hand. It may not be appropriate in some cases, but be ready for when it is. Don’t over-do it though, or you’ll soon find that the room empties whenever you step in!
(5) Ask questions about others, their work, and their challenges. Always think: How can I help this person? Be a walking resource pack; give out useful information. Apart from genuinely helping others, this will attract people to you, the aim of networking in the first place.
(6) Have a thirty second, benefit-laden speech about what you do – your thirty second commercial. Present it in a way that sparks interest, shows your passion, and gets people wanting to meet you. Show what’s in it for them if they patronize your business. For instance, rather than just saying, “I’m a photographer,” you could say, “I capture and preserve memories by creating the look you want and recording it on film for posterity. I am available any day of the week, can be reached easily on the phone, and for your convenience I can reach you wherever you are,” provided all you say is true! You then proceed to hand out your business cards, and perhaps a free leaflet showing how to preserve your photographs, with your name and contact information on it. You could offer something additional for free, like a set of passport photographs for the first ten people from this group to patronize you. Then overwhelm them with brilliant customer service when they do visit. Sounds mouth-watering doesn’t it?!”
These are just a few ways you can network. With a little thought and creativity you can put in place some strategies of your own. As you build a profitable network, you increase your sales and consequently your income. It can therefore truly be said that your net worth depends on your network, the size and strength of which it is yours to determine. Proactively or reactively!
Some networking web-sites
• www.rhyze.com (international online networking)
• www.forumone.com (forums on internet networking)
• www.dejanews.com (newsgroups)
• www.nigeriagalleria.com (Nigeria’s online business directory)
• www.womensnetwork.com.au (networking for women)
• www.bizymoms.com (networking and general info for moms in home based business)
• www.wahms.com (networking and general info for moms in home-based business)
• www.mommysplace.net (networking and general info for moms on home-based business)
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oma Edoja is a life coach and writer. Visit her other blog http://turnaroundresources.blogspot.com for personal development and life coaching.
It doesn’t seem fair that some people have more contacts than others. While the rest of us slowly sweat our way up the corporate/social/business ladder, The Connected Ones reach out effortlessly within their networks and get a leg-up from their friends. This reminds me of the old song that says, “I get by with a little help from my friends.”
Not fair, is it? But then, many things in life just aren’t. Did mama ever tell you there’d be things like this?
I’ve been reading a lot on self-help lately, and I’ve fallen in love with the word “proactive.” It means to take action and bring about what you want. It’s the opposite of “reactive,” which means: to wait around for what you want, and respond negatively when it doesn’t happen.
Being proactive involves accepting responsibility for what you have, or do not have (e.g. a network of influential friends), and taking the necessary steps to change the situation in your favour. A reactive person on the other hand would bemoan his lack of contacts, and probably be spiteful to those who have them. He would blame his parents for not passing on a high-powered circle of friends, the government for the poor economy that has kept himself and his “network” outside the action, and his enemies for jinxing him!
Well, I have learnt from the self-help gurus that this problem can be solved more effectivel, through the process of proactive networking. Networking is a system of meeting people, forming groups,
exchanging information and ideas within these groups, all with the view to enhancing your career/business/social life. It involves giving and receiving business, sharing ideas, contacts and referrals, and providing the environment for developing personal relationships with others who share your interests.
Rather than gripe about your lack of an influential network, or the “doomed state” of the nation, why not get proactive and build one for yourself? Yes, I am talking to you. And yes, you can do it, regardless of your station in life. Nigeria is a wonderful place for networking, given our native tendency to do so (family meetings, owambe parties, anniversaries of everything under the sun). And being proactive is the way to change your fortune yourself. No one will do it for you. But you can do it yourself.
What does networking involve?
The process of networking is proactive; it’s something that you make happen. You go out and meet people, you follow-up, you are of value to others, and then you benefit.
You must understand that networking is all give and take. You’ve got to keep the Golden Rule and give, give, give, even without thought of reward. Selfless networkers make the best networkers.
To network successfully, you’ve got to become the kind of person that people would want to meet. And that’s not difficult; you can do this by being well groomed, well mannered, having integrity and showing loyalty, and by genuinely desiring to help the people you meet. To attract a friend you’ve got to be a friend. So be friendly! And people hate pretences; they can tell when you’re faking it. Be natural. Grow into what you presently are not, instead of pretending that you are.
Basically, here are the guidelines for selfless, effective networking:
1. Provide genuine assistance
2. Be open-minded
3. Remember personal details – names, places of work, positions held, birthdays, marital status etc
4. Respect cultural differences. Nowadays, networking extends across the globe thanks to the internet and mobile telephony, so you’ll encounter diverse peoples and cultures. Be mindful of this, and accommodating.
5. Research people and companies; know their goals and interests, so you can help them better
6. Reciprocate good deeds. Better still, initiate them!
Note that if you are perceived as out-to-get, your network could well shrink rather than grow! Networking is all about building relationships and mutual interactions, benefiting all involved. You’ll be sharing information, helping others grow their businesses, move up in their careers or enhancing their social lives.
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
Part Two
How to Network
(1) Give out business cards wherever you go, targeting those you would want in your network of contacts or customers. Be friendly and polite. Volunteer some personal information as necessary; your prospect needs to know something about you and your business/interests. Ask for the recipient’s card, writing the circumstances of your meeting, and other anecdotal information, on the back of the card. It’s easy to forget if you don’t write it down, especially since you’ll be collecting a lot of cards.
Engage in short chit-chat, to know more about, and remember the recipients of your cards. Merely pocketing them is a sure way to forget, undermining your networking efforts. Keep your cards crisp and neat, in a business card holder. Don’t drag them from the bottom of your hand bag or briefcase, lipstick soiled or dog-eared! Hold them like the precious pieces they are, and they will be treated as such by their recipients. And definitely do ensure that the hands presenting them are well manicured!
(2) Learn the art of good conversation. Listen more than you talk, and listen with genuine interest. Make others at ease around you – smile at them, look them in the eye, shake hands firmly, initiate conversation, encourage them to talk, and respond enthusiastically when they do. Repeat their name as they tell it to you, to help you remember it later.
Follow up your contacts as soon as possible. Contacts are hot and viable when you make them, but soon cool off and die out. So act fast. If you go to the trouble to network, you should follow up your contacts. Call/meet/ email/chat if you said you would. Your contacts are valuable; treat them as such. When you do link up, be sure to offer as much value as you can. And keep out the gossip, show zero tolerance for it. You will be respected and known as the one who can keep a confidence.
(4) Have an eye and ear for opportunities. Like the Boy Scouts, be prepared! Attend functions with your business cards and other networking materials on hand. It may not be appropriate in some cases, but be ready for when it is. Don’t over-do it though, or you’ll soon find that the room empties whenever you step in!
(5) Ask questions about others, their work, and their challenges. Always think: How can I help this person? Be a walking resource pack; give out useful information. Apart from genuinely helping others, this will attract people to you, the aim of networking in the first place.
(6) Have a thirty second, benefit-laden speech about what you do – your thirty second commercial. Present it in a way that sparks interest, shows your passion, and gets people wanting to meet you. Show what’s in it for them if they patronize your business. For instance, rather than just saying, “I’m a photographer,” you could say, “I capture and preserve memories by creating the look you want and recording it on film for posterity. I am available any day of the week, can be reached easily on the phone, and for your convenience I can reach you wherever you are,” provided all you say is true! You then proceed to hand out your business cards, and perhaps a free leaflet showing how to preserve your photographs, with your name and contact information on it. You could offer something additional for free, like a set of passport photographs for the first ten people from this group to patronize you. Then overwhelm them with brilliant customer service when they do visit. Sounds mouth-watering doesn’t it?!”
These are just a few ways you can network. With a little thought and creativity you can put in place some strategies of your own. As you build a profitable network, you increase your sales and consequently your income. It can therefore truly be said that your net worth depends on your network, the size and strength of which it is yours to determine. Proactively or reactively!
Some networking web-sites
• www.rhyze.com (international online networking)
• www.forumone.com (forums on internet networking)
• www.dejanews.com (newsgroups)
• www.nigeriagalleria.com (Nigeria’s online business directory)
• www.womensnetwork.com.au (networking for women)
• www.bizymoms.com (networking and general info for moms in home based business)
• www.wahms.com (networking and general info for moms in home-based business)
• www.mommysplace.net (networking and general info for moms on home-based business)
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oma Edoja is a life coach and writer. Visit her other blog http://turnaroundresources.blogspot.com for personal development and life coaching.
Where Does Your Money Go? By Oma Edoja
Did you ever hear the nursery rhyme where Mary, Quite Contrary was asked, “How does your garden grow?” Well if she were around today her accountant would probably be asking her, “Where does your money go?”
Perhaps you ask yourself the same question, month after month.
And if you’re like most people, you have no definite answer. You’re not alone; there’s a world-wide club of others just like you, whose salaries are “too short” and whose months are “too long”! (I almost said, “Welcome to the club!”)
If you’re ever going to gain control of your finances, and leave that dreadful club, one thing you’ll have to do is plan the use of your hard earned cash, and stick to your plan. This is what the money people call “Budgeting.”
Now, most people cringe at the mention of the word “budget”. For some it engenders visions of bondage and restraint. I know it once did for me!
But a budget is actually a plan to help you manage your money. It could virtually stretch your money further, and shrink the month shorter!
Budgeting puts you in control of your money. Remember, you control the budget, it does not control you.
So, rather than put you in bondage, a budget gives you control of your money, and consequently your life.
Instead of having circumstances, relatives and impulsive moods determine what happens to your money, you can make the decisions by implementing your budget.
Many have the mistaken belief that budgeting is for the rich. They feel they do not “have enough money” to budget. This is all the more reason for such a plan; it enables you prioritize, spending money on your needs, before your wants, taking care of essentials, eliminating the frills.
It is the process of budgeting that allows you save, invest and multiply your money. This is the path to financial peace, and wealth-building. Wealth comes through the compounding of your savings, not a “fat salary.”
If you have no savings, there can be no investment. With no investment, there will be no compounding. No compounding means no growth. And no growth means financial troubles, as the little you have is eroded by expense and inflation.
You can start a budget today. Simply categorize all your expenses, e.g.: groceries; utilities; transport; rent; charity; personal development; savings; miscellaneous-- whatever suits you. Then allot a percentage of your income to each category.
Voila! You have a budget!
When I drew up my first budget I realized I could make room for all the things that truly mattered and throw out those that didn’t. If I needed more money in any category this became an incentive to increase my income as a whole.
And this is made possible through building multiple streams of income, where you earn money from other sources beside a salary or primary source.
Another great benefit of budgeting is that it teaches delayed gratification, thus delivering you from the demons of impulsive buying! Delayed gratification is a habit essential to saving and wealth-building. If you want something that’s not in the budget, you just have to save from the miscellaneous category.
In summary, a budget helps you see:
• How much money you really have to spend (it isn’t all yours—you owe the landlord, the doctor, the government etc)
• How you want to spend it (not how people and circumstances blackmail you into spending it)
• How to spend it in the future (savings allow you plan for the future)
• How you can live on less than you earn (savings help you do this)
• How you can stay out of financial trouble (now you can cut your coat according to your cloth!)
Would you like to start a budget today? I sure hope you said yes, or that you already have one, and use it. No matter the size of your income, a budget can help you bring order to your finances and take control to your situation. It takes discipline and patience to follow a budget. But the alternative is to remain “in the club!” And you certainly don’t want that!
So, get to work on your budget. Do some fine-tuning, if you already have one. Your discipline and patience will soon pay off. And you’ll be out of the club at last!
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
This article MAY NOT be reproduced, in part or in full.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oma Edoja is a writer, motivational speaker and infopreneur. She writes and speaks on a variety of topics but mainly motivation and self-help. She publishes a free, fortnightly, inspirational newsletter giving “Nigerian inspiration for the Nigerian situation.™” View samples of her newsletter at http://up-mobile.blogspot.com and get a bonus info pack when you subscribe, titled Four Steps to Success, plus free coaching with your top three goals.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Perhaps you ask yourself the same question, month after month.
And if you’re like most people, you have no definite answer. You’re not alone; there’s a world-wide club of others just like you, whose salaries are “too short” and whose months are “too long”! (I almost said, “Welcome to the club!”)
If you’re ever going to gain control of your finances, and leave that dreadful club, one thing you’ll have to do is plan the use of your hard earned cash, and stick to your plan. This is what the money people call “Budgeting.”
Now, most people cringe at the mention of the word “budget”. For some it engenders visions of bondage and restraint. I know it once did for me!
But a budget is actually a plan to help you manage your money. It could virtually stretch your money further, and shrink the month shorter!
Budgeting puts you in control of your money. Remember, you control the budget, it does not control you.
So, rather than put you in bondage, a budget gives you control of your money, and consequently your life.
Instead of having circumstances, relatives and impulsive moods determine what happens to your money, you can make the decisions by implementing your budget.
Many have the mistaken belief that budgeting is for the rich. They feel they do not “have enough money” to budget. This is all the more reason for such a plan; it enables you prioritize, spending money on your needs, before your wants, taking care of essentials, eliminating the frills.
It is the process of budgeting that allows you save, invest and multiply your money. This is the path to financial peace, and wealth-building. Wealth comes through the compounding of your savings, not a “fat salary.”
If you have no savings, there can be no investment. With no investment, there will be no compounding. No compounding means no growth. And no growth means financial troubles, as the little you have is eroded by expense and inflation.
You can start a budget today. Simply categorize all your expenses, e.g.: groceries; utilities; transport; rent; charity; personal development; savings; miscellaneous-- whatever suits you. Then allot a percentage of your income to each category.
Voila! You have a budget!
When I drew up my first budget I realized I could make room for all the things that truly mattered and throw out those that didn’t. If I needed more money in any category this became an incentive to increase my income as a whole.
And this is made possible through building multiple streams of income, where you earn money from other sources beside a salary or primary source.
Another great benefit of budgeting is that it teaches delayed gratification, thus delivering you from the demons of impulsive buying! Delayed gratification is a habit essential to saving and wealth-building. If you want something that’s not in the budget, you just have to save from the miscellaneous category.
In summary, a budget helps you see:
• How much money you really have to spend (it isn’t all yours—you owe the landlord, the doctor, the government etc)
• How you want to spend it (not how people and circumstances blackmail you into spending it)
• How to spend it in the future (savings allow you plan for the future)
• How you can live on less than you earn (savings help you do this)
• How you can stay out of financial trouble (now you can cut your coat according to your cloth!)
Would you like to start a budget today? I sure hope you said yes, or that you already have one, and use it. No matter the size of your income, a budget can help you bring order to your finances and take control to your situation. It takes discipline and patience to follow a budget. But the alternative is to remain “in the club!” And you certainly don’t want that!
So, get to work on your budget. Do some fine-tuning, if you already have one. Your discipline and patience will soon pay off. And you’ll be out of the club at last!
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
This article MAY NOT be reproduced, in part or in full.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oma Edoja is a writer, motivational speaker and infopreneur. She writes and speaks on a variety of topics but mainly motivation and self-help. She publishes a free, fortnightly, inspirational newsletter giving “Nigerian inspiration for the Nigerian situation.™” View samples of her newsletter at http://up-mobile.blogspot.com and get a bonus info pack when you subscribe, titled Four Steps to Success, plus free coaching with your top three goals.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, February 28, 2005
Weight Loss Begins in the Mind
Not only was I fat, I was in poor health too.
Constantly fatigued, constipated through over-eating, with an aching knee to boot, housework almost left me dead!
The last time I was pregnant, I suffered sleep apnoea, the folds of fat around my neck playing tricks on me at night.
After the baby, I returned to pre-pregnancy weight.
But don’t congratulate me, I was still over weight!
I hated the way I looked and felt. In fact, I was disgusted.
Slim and athletic in my younger years, what had become of me now?
As I pondered my plight, I came to one conclusion – I had begun to “think fat”.
The only way to undo the damage was to re-learn “slim thinking.”
Years ago I had read extensively about health and fitness and had exercised daily. Consequently, I made informed decisions that led to a healthy lifestyle. This in turn manifested in being trim and healthy – the results of slim thinking.
Now I found myself eating “to support my large frame.”
I knew the benefits of exercise but, like most overweight people, I just “could not find the time.”
Typical “fat thinking.”
So, with renewed zeal (and heightened disgust at being fat), I read all I could find on weight loss. Over time this information was internalized. My thinking was put right and my habits changed accordingly.
Once again I was “thinking thin”, “doing thin” and therefore becoming thin.
It actually doesn’t work any other way.
You could diet all you wanted, and even start an exercise program.
But it’s quite unlikely that you’d keep it up, if you’re still thinking fat.
Your inner mental programming would always draw you back, to those detrimental fat-inducing habits, like a thermostat.
Without a renewed mind, you would not be able to sustain the commitment required to reach your goals.
This is perhaps why many people find it hard to stay on track.
Losing weight, and keeping it off, is hard work.
Your inner programming must first be changed, and then your actions, and consequently, your results, will be different.
Many people work on their actions in order to change their results. But as you can see, they’re missing the most vital step.
The battle against weight loss must begin in the mind.
A safe place to begin is with re-education.
Albert Einstein once said, “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” You’ve got to change, or renew your mind on the issue.
I learned the way the body works at burning and storing calories.
What I needed was not some magic potion or some miracle Get Thin Quick scheme.
I needed to consume fewer calories, and burn more up.
I achieved this by gradually trimming down, or totally cutting out, unwholesome foods and cooking methods, and by taking up daily exercise.
It might surprise you to know that I lost most of the weight taking a daily thirty minute walk. Nothing fancy!
Of course there are still days when I don’t feel like it (today for instance!) but it has reached a point where I don’t listen to my feelings any more.
I pay attention to what I know: Burn calories, stay slim. Don’t burn them, get fat!
And I never, ever want to be fat again!
In summary, my mental re-programming revolves around five facts:
1) Being overweight or obese is a serious, life-threatening condition, not a mild aesthetic problem. We’re talking survival here. Many die from obesity-related conditions each year, so wake up! My major goal with weight loss is my health. Any other reason – to fit into a wedding dress, to get attention etc – is a short-term goal. And once you achieve such goals, you go back to Fatland. Survival, or self-preservation, is a life-long goal. The consequences of neglecting it are startling enough to get and keep your attention.
2) Your success with anything is up to you, including weight loss. You need to accept that, barring any medical conditions, or weight-gain-inducing medication, you are responsible for your weight. I had to be blunt with myself and accept that I over-ate and “under-moved” and this was why I gained the weight. The sooner you take responsibility for the problem, the easier you’ll adjust to responsibility for the solution.
3) While you don’t need a plan to gain weight, you definitely need one that works, to lose it! Unfair, isn’t it! Without a plan, any success will be temporary. When the hard times come, you’ll quit. With a plan, you know exactly what you need to do, when and how. You even have a back-up plan for if you slip up! And if ever the “Don’t-Feel-Like-It” days come, you don’t need to figure anything out, just get with the program! You’ll soon reach the days, like I have, when your feelings don’t have a say in the matter!
4) Healthy weight loss is gradual; after all, you didn’t put it on overnight. You need to run as fast as you can from any Get Thin Quick schemes, or magic potions claiming to melt the pounds before your eyes. These exist simply to part the gullible from their money. Whatever weight you lose with such schemes is most likely water-weight (which could leave you dangerously dehydrated), lean body mass and/or muscle, which you need to function properly. A healthy weight loss program targets body fat. This you should seek to lose gradually, as a drastic drop is unhealthy.
5) Losing weight, and keeping it off, isn’t going to be easy. The key to permanent weight loss is to keep burning up more calories than you consume. To achieve this you’ll need to make permanent lifestyle changes e.g. healthy eating and regular exercise. This is the healthy way to stay slim, and has many other health benefits, such as improving over-all health and giving a boost to your sex life (I can tell you that!)
Keeping these five facts in mind helps me stay on track, and continue to “think slim.”
I find that:
· if you re-educate your mind on the workings of weight loss and weight gain,
· if you settle it in your mind that you really do need to lose weight, and you can,
· if you determine that you will do whatever it takes to lose it,
you will have programmed your mind to co-operate with your body. You would have won half the battle, in your mind.
Then your inner programming causes you to do those things that shed the weight, and avoid those things that pile it on, even without thinking about it!
Much easier and more fun than all the fruitless striving you’ve been doing.
I found that I just did not want to eat certain high calorie foods any more. Previously, I could not do without them! And when my feelings say, “No exercising today,” my mind says, “Sorry, just do it.” And after I get started, I find that I’m enjoying it!
It’s something you need to try, to believe.
Paying the price will never be easy.
But no way would I give up my now healthy, agile body, or healthy energy levels.
Even my skin is taking on a shine!
No way would I ever go back to constipation and sleep apnoea.
I’ll be exercising and eating healthily for the rest of my life. And thinking slim! For me, it’s goodbye to fat FOR EVER!
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
This article may be reproduced, but only if left as is. It must also contain the author’s resource box and contact information below.
Remember, “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it!”
Friday, February 25, 2005
Two Kinds of Love
Love is something we all need, and want. For love, some have lived, and many others have died.
Though the scriptures say it is more blessed to give than to receive, many of us are more concerned with receiving love than giving it.
Did you know that love could be proactive or reactive?
Let me explain:
Being proactive is to make things happen, rather than waiting for them to happen, to decide what you want and go after it, to decide what you don’t want and prevent it.
Proactive people take charge of their lives, assuming responsibility for their successes and failures. They are usually positive people.
On the other hand, being reactive is to wait for what we want to happen, complaining and responding negatively if it doesn’t. In fact, most reactive people never know what they really want in life. They seem to complain out of habit.
They blame everyone but themselves for whatever happens or doesn’t happen. And they are usually quite negative.
With these definitions in mind, it is easier to see how we could be reactive or proactive in love.
Proactive lovers decide to give unconditional love. They look for reasons to love, rather than reasons not to.
A proactive lover gives without expecting returns, forgives suffered wrongs, and keeps no record of hurts.
A reactive lover has quite a different agenda! His love has conditions. She keeps a journal of suffered wrongs. Their constant refrain is, “I did this because you did that.”
They don’t love you if you don’t call, or you’re late for a date. They complain about what you do, or don’t do for them - how you don’t make them happy anymore, you forgot a birthday or said something you shouldn’t have.
Proactive love gives. Reactive love takes.
One builds up, the other wears down.
One is a blessing, the other is a strain.
One is selfless, the other selfish.
In a proactive-love situation, you commit to keeping the fires of love burning, not expecting them to burn of their own accord.
You know it will not be easy. But because you care, you are ready to go the extra mile and do whatever it takes.
You believe in your partner, and you believe in love.
You know that love is not that tingling feeling, which comes and goes without notice. It is a commitment, through thick and thin, independent of your feelings.
Rather than wait to receive love, you give it first. And in selfless sowing you reap a harvest bigger than your seed.
God is Love. He is a proactive lover. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son…” His love is described in scripture as steadfast, everlasting, and tender.
We ought to love by God’s example. He loved us before we could appreciate it. He loves us, even though we sometimes throw it back in His face!
So here’s the moral in this article:
All things being equal, you are more likely to create the loving relationship you desire, by being a proactive lover. Even if your love is not returned, you would have sown seeds that will surely come back to you. Perhaps in the next relationship. And in all the ones you have at present, with neighbours, friends, family etc.
However, if reactive loving is your style, your negative seeds will sprout in every relationship you have, possibly causing a vicious cycle of failed relationships.
Remember the Law of Attraction, which is also stated as the Law of Sowing and Reaping. You get what you attract, you reap what you sow.
Regarding relationships, we could restate this law thus: Your relationship is the harvest of the seeds YOU have sown. Therefore, to change your relationship, you must start by changing YOU, not your partner!
If you want it better, become a better person. Be more considerate. Be more tolerant. Listen more. Criticize less. Give only what you would like to receive.
Your relationship is your responsibility. From its beginning you must be conscious of this fact. Whatever becomes of it is entirely between the parties involved.
Action Steps:
1. Decide what kind of relationship you want. What are your expectations for this relationship? I believe in discussing this with your partner so that hopes are not eventually dashed, and expectations are clear.
2. Make a list of the proactive things you could do to bring about the relationship you desire. Commit to doing these, even when the going gets tough. Remember, love is a commitment. It requires conscious effort.
3. Concern yourself with being a blessing. Give first what you would like to receive. Remember, you reap what you sow.
Brian Tracy says, “It is not the world outside you that dictates your circumstances or conditions. It is the world inside you that creates the conditions of your life”.
Remember, success is by design, and failure by default, even in love!
So, permit me to ask you: How do you love? Proactively or reactively?
What results are you achieving? Desirable or undesirable?
You can have the relationship you desire, but the onus is yours to make it happen.
Proactively.
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
Re-invent Yourself – 7 Steps to Becoming What You Want to Be!
You may have a whole lifetime to undo or re-invent, but if you are determined, and ready to put in the effort, anything is possible. You can have a new you!
Here are 7 steps to a new, improved, re-invented you!
1) Make two detailed lists comprising: (a) all the things you like about yourself and want to keep, (b) all the things you don’t like about yourself and want to change. Examine both lists and ask yourself why you like what you like, and why you want to change what you want to change. Write out your answers as two separate statements. Keep these statements where you can see, and read them everyday.
2) Work on your “Want-to-Keep” list everyday. Keep on doing what you’ve been doing, and you’ll keep on getting what you’ve been getting! Also, work on your “Want-to-Change” list everyday, but in a different way. Take each item on this second list and re-state it as a goal. Remember your goals must be Specific (clear and unambiguous), Measurable (a specific weight, time, sum of money etc), Attainable (within your stated time frame and resources), Realistic (in your eyes) and Tangible (something you can perceive with your senses, not “imagine” with your mind!)
3) From your “Want-to-Change” list, identify your 3 most important goals, the ones that will make the most impact on your life, and bring about the new you. Write out a day-by-day, step-by-step plan for attaining each of these goals.
4) Identify possible pitfalls or obstacles to your plan. Set up contingency plans to circumvent these hurdles. Do not stop at them. No one can stop you but you.
5) Take action on your plan. Work those goals! Even a small step on your plan each day will move you closer to the new you! If you fall behind, or fall out altogether, just think of the lovely new life you stand to gain if you would just try. Imagine what it would look and feel like to be the new you. Know in your heart that it is possible, but it is also up to you. You owe it to yourself to get back up and on with the program. Only time, patience and action separate you from your goal.
6) Reward yourself for progress. Forgive yourself for slip-ups. Then move on. No time for Pity Parties!
7) Stay motivated. Think on your reasons for wanting to make the change. Visualize the outcome, vividly. Hang out with people who encourage you to keep at it. Stay away from negative people, at least till you “get there!” Read motivational books, employ a coach to help you stay on track. Enlist a supportive friend to rejoice with you at each success, and encourage you at each challenge.
That’s it! Re-inventing yourself will never be easy. You are going against patterns that may have been established for years. It will take determination, effort and patience, but it is possible, and will ultimately be rewarding.
I went through a process of re-invention a few years ago. I went from an overweight, unhealthy, plain-dressed, unfulfilled, job-holder, to a slim, trim, healthy, trendy, self-employed, fulfilled entrepreneur. Instead of holding a job, I now do my life’s work. I am working my own goals, and getting the results I desire. I am still not all that I want to be. But I am closer to my goals than to my starting point. No one will ever be “picture-perfect” in this life. But “fulfilled and satisfied” is the name of the game for me! And I sure am glad I had the courage to try.
People and circumstances will oppose you, saying, “It isn’t possible”, or, “Why can’t you just be satisfied with what you’ve got?” (The answer to that is, “Because I’m no ordinary person!”) But if you think your dreams are worth the effort, and you are willing to do what it takes, you can have whatever you want.
Dreams still do come true. And you don’t require a fairy god-mother! Setting and working your goals is how it happens in the real world. Be bold, take action and enjoy the new you!
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
This article may be reprinted, but only if left as is, and must include the author’s bio below.
Oma Edoja is a published writer, motivational speaker and infopreneur. She supports those trying to take their lives to the next level, helping them set goals and stay on track. Would you like to re-invent your life, or make just a small change? Oma is here to help you. She can be reached at proact04@yahoo.co.uk
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Contact Info, Service Announcement
To drop me a line or make an enquiry please emailto:proact04@yahoo.co.uk
I speak mainly on motivational/inspirational, and parenting issues.
However I am versatile, and would do justice to the topic of your choice!
Why have me at your event?
Because I am
For Christian events
For women's events
For children's events
For men's events
Creative ideas for an event:
It's your wedding anniversary and you're having a get-together.
Spice it up with an informal talk for your guests!
Topic could be inspirational, motivational, success-oriented, on parenting, or any of your choice.
And they would get to leave with one of my resource packs (a sample collection of my published articles and self-help exercises). We're taking party packs to a new level!
Same thing for:
Why not run a Life Skills workshop/Self-esteem workshop/Goal-setting workshop for them?
Contact me today for further enquiries.
Please email : proact04@yahoo.co.uk
- Do you live in Lagos, Nigeria?
- Would you like a speaker at a parents' event/children's event/women's event/ even a men's event?
I speak mainly on motivational/inspirational, and parenting issues.
However I am versatile, and would do justice to the topic of your choice!
Why have me at your event?
Because I am
- humourous
- vibrant
- informative/resourceful
- innovative/creative
- a professional speaker/motivator/communicator
- a parent, like you!
For Christian events
- I am a teacher of the word,
- a Christian motivator
- a Childrens' Church Teacher
- Spirit-filled!
For women's events
- I am a woman in today's world
- dealing with today's issues
- globally minded yet serving locally!
For children's events
- I was once a child(!) and am now a mother, to an infant, a pubescent and a teenage child
- I'm a former schoolteacher, having taught kids in pre-school, primary, juniour and senior secondary schools
- I am a Children's Church minister
- I'm a child and teen motivator
For men's events
- I am dealing with many of the same issues as you are
- Succeeding in business and career
- Have parenting insights to share with you
- Motivation and inspiration know no gender!
Creative ideas for an event:
It's your wedding anniversary and you're having a get-together.
Spice it up with an informal talk for your guests!
Topic could be inspirational, motivational, success-oriented, on parenting, or any of your choice.
And they would get to leave with one of my resource packs (a sample collection of my published articles and self-help exercises). We're taking party packs to a new level!
Same thing for:
- Birthdays
- PTAs
- Get-togethers of any kind
- End-of-year gatherings
- Dinners
- Any kind of event where you want your guests to leave with a lasting, truly edifying gift (not just a full tummy and some clothes for dry-cleaning!).
Why not run a Life Skills workshop/Self-esteem workshop/Goal-setting workshop for them?
Contact me today for further enquiries.
Please email : proact04@yahoo.co.uk
- A FREE motivational e-newsletter is available for members of your group.
- Just email me their names and email addresses and I will forward it to them.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Self-limiting Beliefs-The Inner Enemies of Progress
Let us examine self-limiting beliefs under the following sub-headings:
1) What are they?
2) How do they work?
3) What can I do about them?
4) Possible sources
5) A proactive approach
1) What are they?
Self-limiting beliefs are those things you believe about yourself that place limitations on your abilities.
They may be conscious or unconscious. They may be founded or unfounded e.g.:
I am fat and so no one will marry me, or,
I am not lucky; I won’t get the job.
That you are fat may well be true. That no one will marry you as a result definitely isn’t.
Some people prefer fat partners, and it’s the person inside that really makes the difference.
And luck isn’t the criterion for getting a job. You get jobs based on merit.
Limitations are actually a thing of the mind. In reality we have none.
You can do anything if you make up your mind to do it. Determination always finds a way around obstacles.
Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can…. or if you think you can’t…you’re right!”
It all depends on what you believe about yourself.
2) How do they work?
Our thoughts and beliefs colour our vision and perception of the world.
They determine our actions or inactions.
Thoughts affect feelings. Feelings affect behaviour. Behaviour produces results (or the lack of them).
It all begins with our thoughts, since we have to accept a thought for it to become a belief.
It’s been said that whatever you believe becomes your reality.
You do not believe what you see; rather you see what you already believe.
For this reason, two people facing the same situation may interpret it differently, act according to their different beliefs and experience different outcomes.
Self-limiting beliefs act like brakes on our progress.
They leave us acting forward, but believing backward.
They have been described as a malicious thermostat; you can take all the action you want, and in the right direction too.
But anytime you make progress, the thermostat pulls you back to conform to your inner negative programming.
Attempting to move forward when you have backward programming is like expecting a photocopy to be different from the original.
You’ve got to work on the original copy first, change the blue print, modify the DNA.
Your thoughts and beliefs are your programming. You cannot move beyond them.
To get out of the vicious cycle of acting forward but believing backward you’ve got to identify these malicious thermostats, and eliminate them, consciously and continuously.
Sometimes it’s a lifelong battle, but one that you can win each time.
3) What can I do about them?
Fortunately, you can get rid of self-limiting beliefs.
But first you have to identify them.
They could be lurking in the recesses of our minds without our awareness.
Talking with a friend or consulting with a coach could give you more objective feedback as to their existence.
Once you have identified them, these limiting beliefs must be challenged every time they rear their heads. You must consciously reject any thought or suggestion that you are limited in any way. There is nothing you cannot do. You simply need to find the way and follow it to conclusion.
When self-limiting thoughts are starved of attention, they wither and die.
Whatever you give attention to magnifies: whatever you do not attend to shrivels up and dies.
Jim Rohn says it aptly: “You cannot take the mild approach to the weeds in your mental garden. You have got to hate weeds enough to kill them. Weeds are not something you handle; weeds are something you devastate.”
No one is better than you are.
If others do better, it is simply because they have had more practise, more experience, and/or they know something that you don’t. And all this can be remedied.
God made us equal. It’s what we build upon His initial investment that makes the difference.
Read what the experts have said about our beliefs:
- Belief always precedes action.
-James Allen
(We won’t even attempt something unless we first believe we can accomplish it. No belief, no action, i.e. procrastination.)
- Within you right now is the power to do things you never dreamed possible. This power becomes available to you just as soon as you can change your beliefs.
-Maxwell Maltz
- Once your thoughts reflect what you genuinely want to be, the appropriate emotions and the consequent behaviour will flow automatically. Believe it and you will see it.
-Wayne Dyer
In a nut shell, you must control the thoughts that play around in your mind. Admit and nurture only those that enhance your positive programming and move you to your goals.
4) Possible sources
Limiting beliefs could come from the things people said to us and about us while we grew up.
Now is the time to devastate these weeds.
They could also come from listening to negative people, watching/listening to negative TV and radio programs, reading negative books and magazines, and repeatedly hearing negative song lyrics.
Always be on the look-out for possible sources, not fearfully, but with the attitude to detect and devastate them.
5) A proactive approach
A better way to deal with self-limiting thoughts is to prevent them in the first place.
Examining the list of sources above will give you an idea of where their opposites (self-empowering beliefs) can be found – in the opposite directions!
If you spend time with wholesome people and material, this will build healthy, wholesome thought patterns.
A mind that is girded with strong, empowering thoughts is in fit enough condition to resist invasion by these malicious, illegal aliens.
Invest in inspirational books, seminars, CDs etc. Engage in positive self-talk or affirmations.
And just in case they slip through unnoticed, perform periodic “mind-sanitation exercises” where you do some self-evaluation. Sometimes a seminar attendance or listening to an audio program is what will alert you of this incursion.
I wish you all the best as you build a strong and healthy mind.
Go forward and do all the things you thought you could not do, because now you know that you can.
Can I hear an “Amen” somebody?!
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Copyright © 2005 Oma Edoja
Thursday, February 10, 2005
How to Take the Brakes Off Your Life and Move Forward
Are you high on activity but low on achievement?
Very clearly, it’s time to stop, look and listen.
You’re obviously not doing something right.
I’ll share with you something that happened to me recently. I believe it will help you understand my point.
I am an “Advanced Learner” driver. By now I shouldn’t still be wearing my learner plates, I guess I just love the fact that people clear out of the way when I’m coming, and clamour to help me at the slightest sign of driver-distress. Talk about loving thy neighbour!
Any way, I was driving up a steep hill one bright Sunday morning when I noticed the car making some not-so-funny growling noises. Also, to my alarm, no matter how hard I stepped on the throttle, the car would not accelerate. It continued its belaboured, uphill climb, growling grudgingly as it went.
I made it some how to the top of the hill and pulled over to see what all the fuss was about.
As the smell of burning rubber reached my nose, my teenage son, sitting next to me exclaimed, “Mom, the hand brakes are on!”
I had been striving upward, making very little progress. I was “high on activity, but low on achievement.” Thank God it occurred to me to “stop, look and listen.”
I had the hand brakes on the whole time; the trouble was entirely my fault!
The strange part was that it took some one else to spot the problem.
It could have taken me ages, and much further damage, to see it myself.
Albert Einstein is reported to have said, “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” Quite often in life we have the hand brakes on and don’t even know it.
When a little effort doesn’t give us the results we desire, we apply more of the same effort. We know something is wrong, we can even smell burning rubber.
But sadly, many of us just keep on “screeching on,” not taking time out for a re-think, and not asking anyone else for help.
The point I’m making is that when we apply ourselves as best we know how, and still do not get the results we desire, it should be obvious that “the best we know how” just isn’t good enough. We need to stop, look and listen. We might need outside help. Any further activity could cause even more damage.
These hand brakes quite often take the form of self-limiting beliefs.
We usually don’t know we have them.
But if we take the time out, with a trusted friend or coach, our words, actions, inactions and assumptions will quite likely reveal their existence.
A case in point: I have a friend who was not getting enough business contracts. She was qualified, capable and her prospects often gave her audience. She presented her business well and had a sound, desirable service to offer. But somehow, prospect-conversion rate remained low.
We talked, and after a while her problem became evident.
I could tell that she had self-doubt.
Because hers was a young, small business she felt intimidated by the older giants.
She felt she wasn’t as experienced and didn’t have impressive client lists like they did.
As a result, she approached mainly small business owners, who, though impressed, could not afford her fees. Occasionally she serviced larger clients, but that was when “a friend of a friend” gave her a referral.
When made aware of these limiting beliefs she admitted, though surprised, that it was true. It was as if scales had suddenly fallen off her eyes. She had no idea that she had self-doubt. She had re-examined her services, her presentation and everything else she could think of, to no avail.
In the end, I sent her off to a business consultant who helped her repackage her offerings and drew up a new marketing plan for her.
I took her through a series of coaching sessions to build self-belief and handle procrastination.
Today my friend has a sizeable, paying client base, and has learnt to stop often to look and listen when things don’t go as planned. She has also learnt to seek help.
Dear reader, is yours a case of struggle without success?
Have you taken time out to examine your case?
Remember, it isn’t likely that you will spot the problem yourself.
It’s probably your thinking that created it in the first place.
He/she is more likely to see that your hand brakes are on than you are.
A coach is also better able to determine the nature of your hand brakes, as self-doubt is only one of them.
And with a network of other consultants, a coach can recommend the help you need.
Not being personally and emotionally involved, a coach’s opinion will most likely be objective.
He/she will not be critical of you but supportive.
There is no reason why you should continue with high activity and low achievement.
You owe it to yourself to stop, look and listen.
People today avail themselves of coaching and consulting for a variety of problems: business strategy, weight-loss, image-making, school work, career management—the list could go on.
Wherever progress is slow, or results are undesirable, a coach could save the day.
At the end of my ordeal with the hand brakes, my mechanic presented me with a hair-raising bill. I had burned my clutch plates, but thankfully they could be replaced.
Repairing the damage done to our lives or businesses might not be that easy.
We might never even get the chance.
Before the damage is extensive, stop, look and listen.
You just might need a coach to help you.
Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja
Article may be repreduced, but only as is, with author's resource box below.
Oma has since perfected her driving, dropping the designation "Advanced Learner," now bearing the prestigious title of "Licensed Driver!" Having been bitten once with her handbrakes and clutch plates, she is now twice vigilant!
For a limited time, Oma is offering free coaching to those seeking to clarify their goals, and needing motivation to stay on track with them. Email Oma today for a complimentary assessment: proact04@yahoo.co.uk We just might discover a few handbrakes!
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